Big week and big weekend

Last week went well! Thank you all for your prayers, text messages and thoughts. I made it through the week. I ended up having over 16 new evaluations in just 26 hours of work, along with some other patients. I was absolutely buried in paperwork, but had a blast being back at work. Everyone was fantastic and so thoughtful that it made being back at work such a natural transition. I am thankful I am doing half days both last week and this week and a little nervous about doing full days next week.

This past weekend my nephew turned 2!! My parents were able to come out to Oregon to celebrate with us, which was a treat after being able to spend so much time in Montana with them. We went down to Burk and Lydia's on Friday and came back on Sunday morning. The trip was too short as always, but it was packed with all around good quality time spent with each other. Lydia's family was able to come down as well, so it was good to catch up with them.

I am still working on the online spinal cord injury course I started roughly a month ago. It has been great to reengage my brain with patient specific information, but a lot harder to finish when I have work demands. Tomorrow I get to go to a symposium on concussion and moderate brain injury, which will also be good to get those wheels spinning again. I have seen a lot of patients this week with concussions, so it will help to solidify knowledge in regards to evidence based treatment for them. I am thankful to work in a university setting where these continuing education opportunities are readily available for us.

I added some of my favorite pictures from the weekend spent with my nephew. He is such a sweet boy with an infectious laugh, kind and loving spirit and the happiest little guy I know. I am thankful for my brother and sister-in-law and their hospitality over the weekend.

First day back

Today was my first day back at work in over 16 weeks. It's crazy to think I had been gone for that long, but when I walked back in today, it seemed like I had just left. I am so thankful for all my coworkers and their kindness, empathy and genuine support shown both during my treatment, and then today as I came back. I could not have asked for a better day.

Going into today, I was feeling pretty anxious. I missed the bus I intended to take, which was not a huge deal because I had allowed plenty of time before my first patient. Most of my anxiety surrounded the unknown. Was I going to answer a lot of questions about how I was feeling, my treatment, etc? Would I have to tell patient's about what I had gone through? Would my wig stay on my head? :) Things of that nature were all crossing my mind as my bus weaved through the city towards work.

Like I said, I couldnt have been more blessed by how the day went. I walked into our charting room to brownies and a welcome back sign. I received countless hugs and well wishes throughout the day from colleagues. So good to see so many smiling faces :) I was able to get back in the grove rather quickly of chart reviewing, documenting and billing- all of which I was nervous I would have forgotten how to do. I started at 8am, had 5 new patients, was able to keep up with paperwork for the most part and ended my day around 1pm.  An all around successful day.

 I truly love my career and love where I am working. It felt great to get back in the routine of work (minus the waking up early part).  It was good to reengage my brain again after a long hiatus. I felt confident in my examinations and treatments and felt like patient interaction went well. Only adverse effect I noticed was throughout the day I battled low blood sugar and needed to snack often.

For the next two weeks the plan is to work half days as I adjust to very different energy demands than I have experienced in the last few months. Today went well, but I am exhausted. Tomorrow is a bit longer of a day and I have lung function tests after work to reevaluate my respiratory system. I am taking it easy (for those who are worried about that) and continue to listen to my body.

Here are some pictures from today!

Value of Rest

Leaving Montana is always so hard. Especially after such a relaxing visit. For the first time the whole trip was unplanned and open to suggestion or the whim of the moment. I really can't remember a time when I was so at peace with just being home. I don't know if I have transitioned my focus to be more family centered or if I am coming to a place where I really value rest. Maybe a blend of the two :)

Rest has always been hard for me. I am usually running around at 100 mph. I like to be productive and know full-well I get external validation from the things I can achieve. I used to see taking a nap as a loss of productive time. I used to pack my days so full

(often planning down to the hour) that there was no such thing as "taking time for myself". Having cancer has really changed all that. 

This morning I am back in Portland and find myself along the river with mostly cloudy skies, but temperatures in the 60s and climbing. This is a perfect Portland day. The south waterfront is quiet; absent of any traffic buzz, only various birds chirping. The water of the giant river flows on by, welcoming summer to it's shores. I love this city and looking forward to spending the summer here. I hope to continue to adapt the pace of life of these past few months to the months going forward. Carving out more time for relaxation and less time for forced productivity. 

cafe in portland

Happy Moma's day

Happy Mother's Day!!!

The cool thing about being home right now is I get to celebrate Mother's Day with my moma! Its the first time in a long time that I have been home and after the last few months, it is especially sweet to spend this day with her.

If you know my mom, you most likely think of a few things. Maybe her red hair or her blue mascara. Maybe her beautiful green eyes that she passed onto me; just a shade darker. Maybe it is her strength, her tenacity for fighting injustice, her selflessness, her love for people (especially her family), her smile. Really, there are so many things I think of when I think about my mom.

When going through chemo treatments, one of the really cool things for me was receiving cards in the mail. I was blessed to receive cards from many people throughout treatment, all of which have been saved in a special box. One of the common themes throughout the cards was one of strength and perseverance (naturally, right?). Throughout the 12 weeks, I received several cards from people I did not know personally and often they would start of saying something like, "If you are anything like your mom, you are a strong woman…" "I am always so impressed with your mom's strength and I am sure she has passed that quality to you…" and so on. I keep saying it was really cool, but it was incredible to hear people talk about my mom's strength.

My mom has been through a lot these last 4 months. I personally am not a mom so I do not understand what it could be like to hear a diagnosis of cancer issued to your child. We often think of "cancer" as a death sentence and I cannot imagine the fear of just that when the words were first whispered in that hospital room. I remember the tears of those early days well. The emotions of fear and uncertainty. The "unknown" that sat like a dark unwanted cloud around our family. But there was my mom, being strong for all of us.

Family is incredibly important to me and I am so blessed to have an amazing family. I have many friends my age that have lost their mothers' too soon and so on this special day, I will hug my moma extra tight. I am lucky to have this time to spend in Montana and already looking forward to a few weeks when we will all be in Oregon to celebrate my nephew's 2nd birthday :)

For all the momas out there, I hope you get to spend some time with your kids today!

One of my other favorite moms :)

Unwavering support

Flowers from yesterday

Yesterday we had a gathering for people to come by and say hello and visit while I am home. It was a brilliant idea (by my mom of course) because it allowed me to thank so many of the people who have supported me through my journey. I truly was impressed by the unwavering support these individuals have shown me over the past 4 months (and beyond as most of them have known me since I was a boisterous teenager). If you were able to attend yesterday, thank you! Thank you for your support, your prayers and your interest in my life. I am humbled by how many people have supported me and my family during this time; yesterday was no exception.

There is something special about being from a small community. I think of this often as I reminisce with friends about our high school days. I laugh at the crazy antics we got ourselves into (and out of) and truly feel like I had the best community in which to grow-up. I remember many summer nights laying in the backyard looking up at the stars and realizing just how lucky I was to have my best friends as my adventure buddies. I feel fortunate that even to this day some of my best friends are ones I made in high school (nearly 11 years ago :S)

This community takes care of its own. I remember when I first got sick my intuition was to keep everything very private. I didn't want anyone to know I was sick because I didn't want them to feel sorry for me. Through a lot of encouragement from my mom, I finally let people in on my journey. And I could not have dreamed the support I received.

This community raises one another's children. In the best sort of way. It was like our parents knew we were safe just by the people we were with, or rather, the hundreds of other eyes that were watching our every move :) By playing sports in this town, you became known by many. And with that, expectations were put upon you. It wasn't long before "little eyes" were also watching our every move.

Its been a blessing to be home and get a chance to thank people in person for their support. I know I am just one story among many for this community to rally behind. Thank you all for everything. From prayers, to cards, to gifts, to support for my family, etc. Every gesture has been appreciated and nothing goes unnoticed.  Thank you!

High School friends: Bryce, Katie and Alison

High School Friends: Kristen, Becky, Burk

Home in Montana

Stepping onto the tarmac yesterday

There are few things like going home. The tranquillity that is rare in Portland is easily achieved in my home town.For as far as my eyes can see, exist only snow covered mountains, rolling hills of green and tree-lined properties belonging to neighbors and friends. Coming home is peaceful; replacing that need to "accomplish and achieve" with acceptance and existence. Home is relaxing; without the rush to go one place or another. Decisions are made slowly and then remade because there is seemly an abundance of time. Montana is majestic as described. And I am blessed to call it home.

I get to be here for a week and I have no plans. Each day I am going on walks with my family and doing my at home strength exercises. I hope to join my dad at his health club a few times while I am home and get higher level cardio sessions in as well. Other than that, it is just reading, writing and enjoying this gift of being home.

Update on health related things: I received news that my AFP counts continue to decrease (most recently sitting at 4.1) and my other blood counts continue to improve (red and white blood counts, liver enzymes, function of glucose, etc). I will follow-up with my oncologist in 1 month! No blood work until I see him again at the end of this month.
Cannot truly express how exciting it is not to have to be there weekly (and some times daily) anymore.

I return to work 3 weeks from today! I have a lot of strength and conditioning to do, but know I just need to be diligent with something each day. Each day its seems I have a specific allotment for energy and if I use too much too fast, I burn out by afternoon. So my two goals are learning how to pace myself as well as build up my energy reservoir. Both obviously requiring time and patience.

In other news, my parents are having a small gathering of people at their house this coming Thursday, May 8th from 4-7pm for people who would like to stop by and see how I am doing. My mom sent an initial email out last night, but I wanted to make sure the details were here as well incase we missed anyone with her email. Please message me for the address (jyndia.schaible@gmail.com). If you are in the area, would love to see you thursday or if you cannot make it, let me know and we can arrange another time.

I am planning to continue to write in this space and also transition back to writing at Dare to Dream. Feel free to check back in periodically.