Hair growth progress

Ever since the day I found out I would lose my hair, I have been a mixed bag of emotions (read about that here). At first, I was really mad. I liked my hair. Never have I had short hair and just the thought was quite terrifying. Then, once it started falling out, I realized being completely bald was actually quite easy and saved me loads of time getting ready each morning. In America, hair is highly regarded as one of the key components of beauty. Yearly, millions of dollars is spent cutting, coloring, straightening, etc. all for what? To feel beautiful.

When I started back to work, I purchased another wig that could be worn without a hat. My mom bought me a wig early in my cancer treatments that is designed to be worn under a hat. It is so fun because it is really long and has highlights (something I have never done to my own hair). The wig I bought for work is shoulder length and looks very similar to what my natural hair looked like. The primary reason I wear a wig to work is because I can pick and chose who I tell my story to. If I go without my wig, it is very apparent I have just been through chemo, which comes with a lot of questions. I am managing anywhere from 40-60 patients on my caseload and not all of them need to know my story.

Since starting work, I have had a lot of funny moments with my wigs. The first week, I was so paranoid that it would shift significantly and my patients would notice (in my mind, I picture a child seeing someone's toupee move or fly off all together and the horror on their face). Every time I would bend forward, I would feel it move a millimeter and freak out internally. Or there were a couple of times I caught myself with having an itch and just slid my wig back and forth to get at the itch not realizing my hairline moved inches. A few times I would get on the streetcar or bus and immediately pull it off and put it in my bag not realizing people were watching the process and probably wondering "what the heck?"

The truth is, my hair is finally growing and there will be more and more times that I step out without it on. Most weekends I do not wear it. I know that I do not need to wear it to feel beautiful, but being without hair is not natural in our culture and is a red flag for additional questions. And sometimes, you want to be anonymous in a large crowd. Blend in with culture. And that is okay :)

Here is the last month of hair growth for me:

First picture taken May 6th; Last picture June 16th

And little humor for you:

Side-effects...

First of all, thank you all for your encouragement. I am truly humbled by all of your comments, thoughts, quotes and beyond. Thank you!

This week is my "off" week. As far the chemo schedule goes anyways. I had treatment on Tuesday where I just received one drug, Bleomycin. My mom and I walked to the place where I get my infusions (its about 0.8 miles from my home) and the infusion was only about 1.5 hours. It was a brisk walk because as some of you know temperatures have been dropping in Portland. 

This week I have noticed quite a few more side-effects than last week. A short list include: bloody nose, bowl irregularity, numbness in my fingers, a nagging cough that wont go away, bone pain, port pain, loss of appetite, exhaustion/sleep depravation, GERD, mouth sores/sensitivity and weight loss. All side-effects are consistent with my drugs, so its just how it goes.

Yesterday it snowed it Portland! I know people from Montana have been experiencing lows in the teens and below zero and snow is not a big deal, but for Portland, the city literally shuts down. One of my best friends took the day off yesterday to spend with me and we were joking at brunch about the "stormageddon 2014" as light flurries were settling in. By lunch there was a solid 2 inches on the ground and by 4pm, maybe 5inches. We got make-overs at a place down down and by 2pm it was very clear the city was shutting down and everyone was on their way home. It was hilarious! I wish I would have taken more pictures :)

This much time off of work has been interesting. I miss work. I miss my patients and of course I miss my coworkers. I am very lucky to have a great group of people to work with. I have also really enjoyed spending time with my friends. Like I mentioned my friend Jenn took yesterday off and we had brunch, time to just hang out, got make-overs and had a girls night in. Our friend Erin joined us for lunch and it was lovely to see her. On Wednesday I was able to hang out with my college buddy Anna and her little boys. It has been really good for my soul to have this time with friends during a time of such needed rest and healing. I am so grateful for those close who have reached out. As always, each day brings its own challenges. Some days I am feeling up to anything and others, up for nothing. Its a new thing for me...

Make-overs! We are so pretty :)

Started my morning with this little man- facetime is the best!