Perception is freedom

Today I have been thinking a lot about the perception of having cancer. Its quite an interesting topic and one that obviously has written itself right into my life. Today I was walking to my chemo treatment with my mom and I was noticing the people walking by us. Each person carries an aurora to them. Or rather an attitude. This perception of the person can easily be interpreted in many different ways. I think about how I used to "carry" myself before. What did people think of when they saw me as a passerby?

Having cancer makes you stop and think. Each person you see has a different battle they are dealing with in that particular moment. Or that they are going home to that night. Or that they have been avoiding all day. Each person is wounded. Broken. Hurt. Longing to be loved a little bit more. Each person has likely been taxed beyond their normal limits and are just seeking some silent solace. At least, thats what I have been seeing in people's eyes when I actually make the decision to look; rather than avoid my glance like I am entering a restricted zone.

Having cancer has been freeing for me. I know, kind of sounds weird to say out loud. I feel like this diagnosis has given me the freedom once again to choose exactly what I want to do and go about living exactly how I want to. Let me back up. When I moved back to Oregon and got my job at OHSU, I was extremely grateful. Living in a city I love, "dream job" at a premiere health institute and a bunch of coworkers I actually enjoy spending 40+ hour a week with. But i felt stuck. Things started to become "too good". I stopped challenging myself in ways I used to seek willingly. I became complacent.

Well, I am no longer complacent.

Its time I think we all start giving ourselves a little more grace when it comes to dealing with the day in and day out. I think its time we start to challenge ourselves to seek exactly what we want. Because if you dont do that now, when else are you going to do it? I dont care if you you are 64.5 and almost retired. What do you WANT to do with your life? I am 29 years old and I am fighting to do exactly what I want. And you better believe when I figure out what it is I want, I am running fast after it!